Coping with failure

Don’t set unrealistic expectations

By Shubhra Jain

We see the disappointments, anger, hatred, depression and many more negative emotional outbursts that lead to senseless shootings. We all talk about gun laws and government bans. Should we not ponder about what we can do to nip the problem in the bud? Do we teach our kids how to react and accept failures? Are we not equally disappointed with that first “F” or missing that basket in the final game? 

We might pretend that it is all OK and we are doing a great job raising our children, but I am sorry to say, we are failing as parents and educators. Our expectations for our children are unrealistic; we overlook their capabilities and unknowingly set the bar too high. We forget that we hated the comparison, peer pressure and constant nagging, but we still do it to our children. 

My question is, why? Please go back to your own transcripts, progress reports and analyze yourself. Did you ace all the exams? Were you the star sports player, musician, painter, genius, totally focused kid who never made mistakes? If yes, then you are exempted from reading further, but if you fall in the other category, then you should think hard before you show disappointment in your kid. 

Can we just tell our kids to try their best in whatever exam, test or quiz they are taking? Can we just say, “It’s OK if you fail because I failed too, many times.” Can we just set our expectations to be a little more realistic?

I read somewhere that our children are not coloring books where you can fill in the colors. They need to pick and color their lives themselves. You can pick colors in your own coloring book. Will the colors go out of lines? Yes, absolutely!

Will they learn from the mistakes? Maybe not at the pace you want them to. But trust me, they will learn.

Shubhra Jain is the center director at Mathnasium of Gilroy. Prior to working at Mathnasium, Jain worked as a mathematics teacher at East Side Union High School District, Basis Independent Silicon Valley and Harker private school. She has been in the education field for more than 25 years and has taught in India, Singapore and Indonesia prior to settling in America. She has a master’s degree in mathematics and is finishing another master’s degree in education.